Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Vol 156: Politics as Usual: Binders full of Women

     Good morning, good afternoon and good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am writing you this under heavy surveillance in deep cover from a hideout along the banks of the Mississippi river. So, I will get right to the issues, they are gaining on me.
     A day before the 2nd Presidential debate, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took a bullet for the White House for the lack of security detail during the Benghazi, Libya terrorist attack on the U.S. Embassy where 4 Americans lost their lives, including our Ambassador. The timing of Hillary's willingness to take a bullet is only mere coincidence. Apologies for the bad taste in words. It is tragic and my sympathy to the families. But don't try to read anything into it, there is no coincidence in the timing. It's laughable how obvious politicians can be.
     Now, let me get to the meat and potatoes of this edition. In what seasoned political reporter George Will called "the best debate ever," it's heartbreaking and encouraging at the same time, to see two grown men fighting over a job like schoolboys fighting over who gets to bat first in a game of home run derby on the playground during recess. According to Obama, "it's offensive," to think that his administration is playing politics with the Benghazi attack. But, when hasn't any politician played politics with any issue? That's why they call it politics.

"He's wrong, I'm right, and there's no one left."

     The two grown men, at least they appear to look that way, decided to fight over who can guarantee to grow jobs over the next 4 years. Grow jobs. Like they're an organic material that can be sprinkled with fairy dust in the garden wasteland that is the U.S. economy and shazaaam! Jobs. Romney has a "5 Point Plan," to create 12 million new jobs. Reminded me of "no new taxes," from George H. W. Bush.  I still have no idea what Obama's plan is for the next 4 years either. So, we have that going for us. Ladies and gentlemen, it doesn't look good right now. I know that the Koch brothers of Wisconsin are warning their 45k employees that they better vote Republican, or else. Think of the Koch brothers as toxic pollutants that work on command, killing any consideration for their employees to think for themselves. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Maybe they play by the golden rule? They who have the gold, make the rules.

     Then there was the mention of the fact that there wasn't enough drilling for oil on federal land. Not enough drilling on federal land. What does that mean? Should we open up the Grand Canyon for more drilling? But wait, "You'll get your chance when I finish." Once again, I was left scratching my head as to what exactly are going to be the tax deductions and exemptions that good Ol' Mitt (don't call me Willard) is going to eliminate? That is still to be determined. Maybe we'll get the information when he's finished; reminiscent of the final scene in There Will Be Blood as Daniel Plainview, played by Daniel Day-Lewis yells, "I'm Finished."

     The debate got to a point where the tension was so thick, I strangely wondered, what if Romney would've muttered the N-word? Sadly, I felt some would've cheered that remark, which goes to prove if only to myself, that there are demons this country or I am still yet to exorcise. Or maybe it was because I have grown tired of hearing how we've been "crushed and buried" throughout the evening? Maybe I was simply waiting to go through "binders full of women?" Maybe it was because my Dad wasn't "born in Mexico to American parents" that I felt cheapened. Maybe we really need to trust the idea of "self-deportation?" Raise your hand if you're here illegally. Nobody? Alright, we can move on.
Now, which one's Spartacus?

On another note, it's a good thing Obama saved us all from cheap Chinese tires!!
     To the heartbreak of millions of Republicans, Romney did let slip through his fingers the opportunity to drag Obama from behind the sad and tragic debacle that became the Benghazi, Libya situation. He should have belted that out of the park, but sadly struck out like A-Rod in the post-season. Too much oil in his hair; slippery fingers. Which lead us to the enemy behind the whole evening, the smoking dragon in the cave, the shadowy lurking figures of darkness who are truly behind the mess we as Americans have been experiencing for the last 10, 15, 20, 25 years......China. We aren't at war anymore with the USSR and the War on Terror hasn't been too exciting without it's leading man Bin-Laden crouching in the desert firing AK-47's as his henchmen run through jungle-gym equipment, and God forbid we should actually take responsibility for our actions. We have Congress to do that for us. They get stuff done.
     The enemy of America is China. Yep, the same country that buys all of our Treasury Bills; them and the Federal Reserve; but, you'll never hear a hand-picked goon like Obama or Romney trash the Fed. They know who writes the checks. It's not that they just print more money out of QE3 thin air or anything of significance like that. Ssshhhhh, be very quiet. The Fed is always listening. The Fed isn't to blame in any of this. Allen Greenspan was always doing what was best for the American people. Ben Bernanke can be trusted. No, no, no, it's China and their currency manipulation that is and has ruined this country. So, look out China. We're going to be scolding you in the final debate, big time. So bend over and take your spanking, but just don't take any of it seriously; trust us, because the check's going to be coming in the mail. You'll get your money back. But according to the USPS, it may be a while. Were fixing a few kinks in there.

     At the end of it all, wouldn't it have been nice to see either Obama or Romney, or both, strike a Tebow-pose. Until next time, keep on prospering in the new global economy.
Follow the outrage on Twitter @globaloutrage.
It is 2012. The end is near.
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