Monday, March 18, 2013

Vol. 168: By definition, we're all a bit Crazy

"Things are not as bad as they seem."
     Good morning, good afternoon and bonsoir ladies and gentlemen. To all of those stuck in traffic, or to those in line at the local Starbucks, or to those avoiding eye-contact with fellow elevator or bus riding passengers, I wish you all the best in the new ever changing global economy. Thelonius Ronscpiacy and Theona Dontherh are both on assignment, therefore I will put aside any further pleasantries and begin.
     Sons and daughters of Belial, there are signs and omens looming all around us; plagues of locusts swarming from out of Egypt descend into Israel as those in charge calmly state, "There is nothing to see here. Nothing to see. Please go about your business."
     On the 13th of March in the year 2013, black smoke first signaled no Pope, and then white smoke from the water-bong within the Sistine Chapel started the party for the 115 wise cardinals assembled at the Vatican to elect the first ever Latin American potentate; an Argentinian with ties to dictator death squads (he'll fit right in) financed by the adherents to University of Chicago's hierophant of capitalism, Milton Friedman; Jorge Bergoglio, is now to be forever known as Pope Francis.

"Do you think they'll care about my past?"
     Here is a staggering fact, the number of people in the U.S. working today is the lowest it has been in the last thirty years, and you cannot easily lay the blame on only one of the political parties, but instead have to place it on both, or most importantly, upon ourselves, because we continue to elect these blood sucking vultures, or do little or nothing with our attention deficit spanned minds to hold them accountable. Squirrel!
     As a result, companies are making do with less, thus increasing their profit margins, which in turn makes their shareholders faces light up with hedonistic smiles of self congratulation as the gap of equality grows ever larger. However, in contrast to and despite this fact, the United States has the highest corporate tax rate in the economically developed world. So, not only do those companies get taxed over seas, but if that tax rate is lower than what is currently in the United States, those companies are to make up that difference in payment back to the IRS. Does this make any sense at all? Maybe, we instead should close some loopholes and reform the tax code; then again, I'm only a conspiracy theorist; a drone may flying be over my house at the moment. I have to be careful these days, especially under the charismatically sneaky and possibly sinister presidency of Barack Obama. Which brings me to the question, will he visit the Temple Mount in Jerusalem during his visit to Israel on March 20th? Wouldn't the Palestinians just love that?
     Back to the job market, employees as a result of the effects of the paradigm shifts in workplace behavior, have become more productive, but just not happier. Turn on the television and enjoy the commercials of pharmaceuticals for proof of that. Like days counting since there's been a OSHA violation, leads me to wonder, how much longer until we have the next mass shooting in the United States? When will one occur in a hospital? It's bound to happen, just look at the course we've been on.

"I'll make some calls and see if we can't get some Laker Girls over here." "Yes, that would be very nice. Of course we can't feed them or anything."
     Nothing can stop North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un from behaving like a small child in a crowded toy store that has been told he wouldn't be getting the newest Transformer. Apparently, "U.S. diplomat of Basketball" Dennis Rodman can't solve global relations. What a shame, but then again, at least someone is giving it a shot, no pun intended. Look out South Korea and Japan, there's a psycho killer on the loose.
"How much longer do you think I have until I die in a single car accident on a dirt road?"
     Italian comedian Beppe Grillo, has thrown a monkey wrench into the gears of the machine that was the Italian General Election. How long until he ends up dead in a canal somewhere? He's so crazy, he wants to reject and eliminate all existing political parties, impose a referendum on a all international treaties, including NATO membership, eliminate all free trade agreements and remove Italy from the Euro. Simply put, he's a dead man. Berlusconi and his Illuminati brethren will not let that stand.
Sadly, it's not the cost of the government that has made us poor, but the cost of money, created out of thin air by private central banks; see the Federal Reserve. Interest on debt that has been produced by private central banks and then loaned to governments around the world. Rothschilds, I tip my hat; well played, very well played.
     Can there someday be an election in Africa that goes without protest or doubt? Can there someday be an election that doesn't end in violence and riots? Then again, what would you expect with a population not sedated, drowning in the profitable sewage of pharmaceuticals. You can hardly blame them, can you?
Throw on some skinny jeans and a flannel shirt and put him on a bike, whoa, he's in Nordeast, Minneapolis.
Word is coming out of Aurora, Colorado that the judge handling the trial of mass shooter James Holmes is wanting "truth serum" to be used on the defendant. Why? They are stating that it would help to infer whether or not he will be able to use "insanity" as a defense. But don't we already know that? This conspiracy addled mind wonders, did he have an accomplice that he's not confessing to? Call me crazy, but why else administer "truth serum?"  

     On a final note, if one ever has the chance, I highly recommend, sweet and sticky Glaze donut pancakes at the often times and well deserved extremely busy ambiance of the Good Day Cafe in Golden Valley. Two words, de-lish. It's as if mini-donuts just in from the State Fair were fried up in a skillet and served on a large plate. There is no need for syrup at all; and coming from a lover of johnnycakes, that means a lot. So, find the time and fill up a plate, because you're gonna need all the nourishment you can get, before we storm the gates. Are you getting ready?

                              "Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men."
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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Vol. 167: Up in the Sky

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     Good morning, good afternoon and good evening distinguished ladies and gentlemen of the front, this is Thelonius Ronscpiacy back from the explosive region that is Anoka County. Friends, the battle proves to be tough and the fortitude of our resolve will be continued to be tested at every turn, so we must remain ever vigilant in exposing the foul stench that is politics as usual, revolting as it is. But in every fight there must be a victor and the spoils will not last long in the refrigerators of our contentment if the planet continues on its dreaded course. The answer is simple: we can't let the meteors win.
This happens all the time on days' when Popes' resign. It's no big deal.

"Do you see what I see?"

     Let me begin with the world reaching news that has consumed this gonzo journalist and that has been consuming all of Italy for the past couple of weeks, and that is the shocking news of the resignation of Pope Benedict on February 11th, 2013. What is also fact, is that only hours after he had announced his early retirement, lightning struck St. Peter's Basilica, twice, shortly before 6pm local time in Rome. This cannot be mere coincidence. Does something wicked this way come? God or whatever you may want to call it, doesn't make mistakes. As a result, my mind has slowly been unravelling the idea that we may be witnessing prophecy in the making, the coming of the Petrus Romanus, the election of the final Pope. Therefore, he just might be the false prophet ushering in the Anti-Christ? Or it may just be an escape clause to get out while the getting is good before more sexual-child abuse scandals litter the halls like empty bags of flaming hot-Cheetos in a neighborhood middle school. Or is it that Pope Benedict has to get to Castel San Gandolfo in a hurry to use the Vatican's observatory to make contact with their masters' (UFOs)? Which then leads to the questions, what UFO secrets lay hidden beneath and behind the walls of the Vatican for nearly thousands of years? As early as the 1400's, UFOs began popping up in Christian artwork. Why? What ever happened in Fatima, Portugal on October 13th, 1917? Was it an apocalyptic prophecy of fiery swords and demonic beasts? Is the city of seven hills about to crumble before our very eyes? Stay tuned; it's about to get messy like a wild weekend in Breezy Point, Minnesota. Grazie!
"Hey look, up in the sky!"
"We couldn't paint clouds very well."
     On another note of the pathetic nature of politics in the United States, the much dreaded doomsday sequester of March 1st has come and gone and each side is still pointing their sticky stinking fingers at each other. The Congress passed it, the President signed it, and yet they both figure they are not to blame. The $85 billion dollar cuts amount to 2.4% of the Federal Budget, of which we are 16.6 trillion and counting in debt.  If we are having this much difficulty doing this very little, how in the world are we ever going to ever get back to even? Do we then admit failure and throw in the towel? Maybe the UFOs will bail us out and introduce a new currency? Or have they already done that and we don't even know it? Let that marinate for a bit. Until the next time,

                                               Yours truly, from the front lines,
                                                                      Thelonius Ronscpiacy

     Jack Scharber here, picking up where Ronscpiacy has brilliantly left us and instead I will be taking a side road onto one of vast appreciation. In light of Quentin Tarantino winning his 2nd Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for the N-word laced exploitation piece Django Unchained; I reminisce about what is the most original piece of cinematic genius to have graced theaters in the 90's, his masterpiece, Pulp Fiction. The opening five minutes of that film was gold presented in celluloid form. Like the briefcase of Marsellus Wallace's, the film opened the landscape of American Pop-Culture, with socioeconomic commentary, "What then, day jobs?" Far from it. The movie hearkens back to time gone by, and I fondly remember the AMC Crossroads theater in Roseville where I, accompanied with the always engaging girlfriend at that time who I will lovingly only refer to as JS in respect for her privacy (you know who you are); the time and place when and where I almost passed-out during the adrenaline shot scene where a bath robed Lance had to drop his treasured bowl of "Fruit Brute" in order to help save the life of Mia Wallace from a heroin overdose; all which resulted in the fact that I had to spend time in the lobby and bathroom splashing cold water on my face, experiencing a panic attack. However, the episode didn't stop me from returning to view the film three more times in movie theaters the following weeks. With the help of the skewed genius that is Quentin Tarantino we have gone from a "Five dollar milkshake," to Kelis's "milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," to Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood, "I drink your milkshake." Everything is connected.
     In another sign that we are living in a brave new world, ask yourself, just how pervasive is China's hacking? Apparently the Chinese equivalent of the NSA (National Security Agency) has been hacking into the NY Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post and other reputable news sources in order to gain information on Fortune 500 companies so the Chinese government can do their best to maintain 7% economic growth. They admit nothing, but then again, no government in the world has admitted that it has or ever used cyber weapons; Israel doesn't have a nuclear bomb and Iran isn't working on one.
     The first trip for the new Secretary of State of the United States, John Kerry, proving that if you didn't win the election, at least you get to travel the world ten times over, had him visiting London. Where else would one go, but report to their new boss first thing Monday morning? The British Empire didn't rule the globe with the help of Rothschild money in the 19th century and then disappear on accident. As Deep throat (brilliantly played by Hal Halbrook) said in the film All the President's Men, "Follow the money."

"And I'm like holding onto the handlebars like this....."
     On another note, Hugo Chavez, the annoying fly that kept pestering the United States Government for over a decade and frequent but yet always entertaining guest speaker at the United Nations has succumbed to cancer after a two year battle, dead at the age of 58. So, if you listen hard enough, you can hear the planes and tankers of multinational companies heading their way to Venezuela to grab as much oil as they can at discount prices.
     Finally, there is the road accident spilt-milk mentality of many of the curious and stupid, (see the Mound High School Hockey team, the school's administrators, parents and the plethora of Internet copycats) which is the The Harlem Shake. "Taste this, it's awful." If that's not proof of the dumbing down of a generation, I don't know what is? The search for intelligent life continues.

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