Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Mother of all Mail Days

The Global Outrage of an Educated Man......vol. 149
Greetings and Salutations on this fine early morning in May, the mother of all weekends. I hope that this finds everyone well and in good spirits. I know that there are a few friends of mine that are issuing warm sighs of relief, knowing that their beloved Minnesota Vikings will be staying in the aforementioned state, alas, in pursuit of that all elusive of trophies, the Superbowl. We by no means feel the same as Cubs fans but there is enough sadness and anguish to go around these days, isn't there? Although, it's pretty hard to interfere with a professional football game. The last time I checked, there is no foul football to lunge after in the stands and therefore obstruct a home team player's chances of making a first down. Well, at least not yet. I'm surprised there isn't a spin-off America's got Talent/American Idol search for the best athlete in the world contest reality show make me want to vomit onto the coffee table or onto the nearest now sold at Target in what amounts to be nothing more than an ad on a t-shirt brainwashing of simple minded adolescents. They're so over. Maybe if they put a bird on it, the tight jeans rolled at the ankle hipsters will buy the supply out and make some kind of knit organic coffee holder out of them. Next week is Art-A-Whirl. Back to football, although, there have been some kickers and running backs we would have loved to see personally run out of town faster than a Futbol referee in the middle east, but I digress. Darren Nelson you son of a Washington playoff game winter of 87'.
As if awakening from a long hibernated slumber I find myself rubbing my eyes in disbelief, looking for an old man sitting at the base of a tree with a grey beard to his knees, is that you Mr. Van Winkle? Is it true what the birds sing through the limbs of your still alive relatives as the morning sun rises in the east? Did the Twins actually win last night? I am a believer in all things far fetched and therefore have no difficulty taking the old man's word for it. I truly believed that the Vikings would be playing next season in Los Angeles. Some things you can't blame on the Mayans.
Can you believe our born in Hawaii president? What he did as a result of his free-speaking some times verbally adroit Vice President on last Sunday's talk shows is truly incredible. A President openly stating that he is for gay marriage. Wow. But there is one thing Mr. President that I have to say about it, and that is, it makes a hell of a lot more sense than why were still in Afghanistan and Guantanamo is still open for business. I know that it's an election year and that were in a never ending war on terror, but really, just because you support what seems to be common sense in allowing two people who truly love each other the right to pay taxes at a "Christian approved" rate, I'm still very disappointed in you. If you take the dogs off of the medical marijuana, we may have something. But as for now, you're only just better than Mitt. Just for curiosity's sake,
How many Bohemian Grove parties did you attend or Bilderberg weekend getaways and if so, I have to guess Mitt was there for some of them as well, am I right?
How many times have you sacrificed a "pretend virgin" to a 40 foot tall wooden Owl? Seriously people, look it up, Bohemian Grove. It's just a bunch of men only, obscenely successful, mostly white anglo saxons hanging out in the California redwoods just north of San Francisco for about 2 weeks in mid July every summer. Very private and by invitation only. Just men being men, sitting around, chatting, smoking cigars and swatting mosquitoes. Then again, maybe the gay marriage thing wasn't such a stretch after all. Hmmmm.
Alright, got to go and take the new addition to the family for his morning walk and nope, don't spit out your gin or milk or orange juice or your two liter of diet coke. He's a dog, a small little welsh terrier named Watson, and he's got some attitude. With that being said, have a Happy Mother's Day, for without mother's, we'd all be in one terrible cosmic mess.
Keep on prospering in the new global economy.