Good morning, good afternoon and good evening fellow Outragers. My name is Theona Dontherh and I am a new contributing writer for the Global Outrage of an Educated Man. I am filling in this edition for Thelonius Ronscpiacy who is currently out on assignment, investigating strange occurrences just outside of Doc's Bohemian Cue and reports of explosions coming from neighborhood parks and green spaces. My eager hope is to not disappoint too greatly and instead pleasingly encourage all to delve a little deeper into the shadowy recesses that lurk in the corners of our morally melting society. My background is in global affairs and so, that is where I will begin.
"Do I seem creepy? Do I need a bigger cross to compensate for something?"
In a sign that we may in fact be living in the end times with dangerous omens of portent all around us, Pope Benedict became the only Pope in the last 600 years to announce his sudden resignation that will take place on February 28th. Is it just in time for the Anti-Christ? Days later, a giant meteor crashes to Earth in a rural region of Russia (which leads me to ask, is there an area of Russia that isn't rural?) injuring hundreds. It is clear in the eyes of this gonzo journalist, the U.S. Congress needs to build a committee to draft some rules and regulations on meteor control; it is indicative in the war on meteors that we can't let the meteors win. We must remain ever vigilant.
This can't be good
Then there is the situation in Mali in North Africa that is allowing Islamic fundamentalist militants (oxymoron) to continue their campaign of fringe relevance (like newspapers); the weapons manufacturers and the machines of discontent and chaos, love to relish in the fact that the War on Terror will never end. Hopefully there will come a day when they'd realize and wake up to the fact that it's the 21st century and not the Crusades of the past Dark Ages. The Knights Templar aren't providing security for those traveling in the Middle East, but probably investment instruments in Swiss Bank accounts. If only we could stop all of the madness with relatively useless Facebook status updates; it's obvious to this gonzo journalist that religion seems to be waning and in its place are material goods that are held aloft like golden calf's. People no longer wait in line to see a vision of the Virgin Mary or touch the stone where the prophet ascended, but instead wait for days to get a shiny new electronic gadget. The truth is, we now carry in our hands smart-phones with more computing power than the Apollo Moon mission, which leads me to wonder, if we ever in fact landed on the moon back in 1969, we'd already have an Apple Store and a Starbucks upon it, wouldn't we? Or maybe according to the religious right, a Planned Parenthood?
"Does it look real enough Mr. Kubrick?"
On another sign that a lot of sheeple are buying what they've been selling, it was only a couple of weeks ago, that the Dow Jones index and the S & P 500 closed at 5 year and close to all-time highs; now if only our middle class incomes would rise as well. Then, in the case of the global financial collapse of 2007, a $5 billion dollar civil lawsuit has been filed by the U.S. government against Standard & Poor's based on the assumption that they knowingly rated mortgage backed securities they knew to be of poor quality with ratings warranted of safe, secure and reliable investment instruments. The Justice department had to review over 20 million pages of documents before it could file the lawsuit. Standard & Poor's, that's been the standard over the past 40 years; were all poor compared to the untouchable Wall Street elites.
"We can see everything."
On another cheerful note as we head towards the inevitable One-World Government; unmanned Drone strikes have become much more visible in the past couple of weeks. As a result, the United States government has had to inform the U.S. taxpayers that if indeed a U.S. citizen is considered a threat to security, then the U.S. government can use Drones to eliminate that threat. Scrap gun control, we are going to need Drone control. So, now someone in a bunker in Colorado, operating a Drone from their joystick equipped computer can eliminate a U.S. citizen deemed to be a threat, from a mile up in the air? Land of the free, home of the brave? I don't think so. If that is the case, then why wasn't a Drone involved in the elimination of former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner? Or would that have garnered too much publicity?
Finally, to end on a much cheerful note, hold on and enjoy some Alabama Shakes. Just imagine the windows rolled down, your dog's ears flopping in the wind and the smell of freshly mown grass. Look out! An I-Roc with Yosemite Sam mudflaps just pulled out in front of you. Yep, you've just found yourself north of 694, welcome to Anoka County; where the confederate flag flies free and people have more guns and kids then they have teeth.
